07' Season

Today my coach told me that she’s swapping singles positions between my teammate and I, moving me to the number 3 spot and her to the number two. My initial reaction was my stomach dropping and I got a lump in my throat. My coach told me that she felt I was getting overpowered at the number two spot, but that she wasn’t moving my down because of the last match I lost (which was the only match I lost besides Chapel Hill, where everyone lost).

I know she has good intentions because she knows I like to be aggressive and get to the net, and she feels I will have a better chance of doing so at the number three spot. I just can’t help the disappointment I feel right now. I was so proud to say I play one doubles and two singles. I loved playing closer to the crowd, next to the best player on our team. I loved the competition and the pride of playing at that spot. But, it’s not about me it’s about the team.

As we move forward in our season, I have to remember that the decision was made based on the team goals to win conference tournament and go to NCAA’s. I am still playing number one doubles and that was my ultimate goal for this year. So, I have to be proud and play proud no matter what spot I’m at.



=)

new years...

So it's 2007 and it's been such a crazy year, so full of milestones. This year will be even more eventful because I'm graduating and going to Greece in May! I'm doing things on my own and acomplishing things that I'm so proud of. My last semester of school is going to be a time where I need to transition from student to adult, which is so scary! I'm going to Greece by myself with the art history department and I know it's going to be such an incredible experience that is going to change my life forever. I'm so scared to go but excited too because I know how important it is for me to do this. I've always talked about being independent and doing things for myself and this is the perfect opportunity for me to do that. Who knows what I will discover there...

As for the new year, my resolution is to not get so stressed about work, tennis, etc. because everyone has stress in their lives and I just need to deal with it. I need to realize that I can't do everything and that I can't let my stress consume my life. I also don't want to be one of those people who complain a lot and I want to work on going with the flow and just taking it all in. After all, this is my last semester of school and I will never have the combination of school and tennis again for the rest of my life.

2007 is a time for me to set the path for the rest of my life. I hope this year will be as unforgetable as the last.

christmas eve

well, it's been a long time since I've written on here...it's been such a great year and I can't wait for what's to come in 2007.

Isn't it weird how things in the present change how we feel about things that happened in the past? Our perspective on the past constantly changes based on our experiences. At least, that's what I've felt...

While my perspective on the past changes, it can't change what happened or what I can do about it. I can only change how I act or what I do in the future. I think it's problematic to dwell on the past for the reason that you can't do anything about it, but it's still hard to deal with problems or hardships that still hurt.

My goals for 2007 are to live for the present and plan for the future so that I will always be as happy as possible.

Merry Christmas everyone!! Hard to write right now but I'll come back later when there's more time...

end of the year...

Well, it's that time again! I'm about to finish my last fall semester ever! It's been such a great year so far with classes, friends, and tennis of course. I've had to go to some counseling recently, but it hasn't been as bad as I expected. When I found out about it, it sounded worse than it was. I was questioning myself when there really is no reason to do so. I understand why there was a concern, but as long as I am aware what I am doing, I feel like I am under control. I go home in less than a week and I am so excited to spend time with friends and family. I know I had a lot of work to do tennis-wise, but it will be fun work hopefully. Like coach said, this will be my last Christmas break and I should enjoy it. I know I will be playing and conditioning a lot, but I know I will definitely have fun over break. I hope to catch up with the special people in my life and enjoy the time off from school and tennis because the craziness will start up before I know it!

Post!

Stupid blogger won't post my last blog! anyway, I'm writing another one so that maybe it will post my last one. I don't have much to say right now, I'm just really swamped with work so I'm doing everything I can to avoid doing it.

Actually, I just finished a writing assignment so this is my reward, to stalk people and write about nothing. Anyway, I'll be back when I have something productive to write about!

-ali

End of the Season Thoughts

So, I just crossed another milestone in my tennis career as we finished up the fall season a few weeks ago. I'm proud of the way I played thus far and I have high hopes for the spring. Coach put me at the #2 spot which is such a confidence booster for me, even though I should be thinking about what's good for the team and not just me. I think playing at #2 will be a good challenge because it will make me fight that much harder for my point. Playing at number 2 I don't have the added pressure of feeling like I'm supposed to beat whoever. It's silly the way my mind works but being put at that spot really makes a difference for me. When I go out for each match I expect to play really good players and it keeps me focused and intense. Plus, usually the girls higher up in the line-up hit harder which is a huge bonus as well. Sometimes I fall into the trap of playing just good enough to beat whoever I'm playing, so I won't play my best. Then, when I do play a really good player, I'm not ready to play good tennis because I haven't been practicing it. This way, I'm going to be sharp all year, and hopefully getting better as the season continues.

My only worry is how my body is going to hold up and whether I can control my stress and anxiety during the school year. It already got hard this fall when I was having trouble sleeping, had so much work to catch up on, and just felt physically tired. I know everyone goes through it but I just feel like I need to be rested physically and emotionally to be at my best. It's going to be a fine line next semester between school and tennis and I hope I can manage everything while keeping my sanity.

I'm sad and happy the season is over. For me, there is no other feeling like winning a match for my team. The way I feel doesn't compare to anything else I succeed in, and I know I'm going to miss that. And I won't be able to feel that way by playing in a league or playing for fun. It's just not the same and it will never live up to my experiences here.

So on that note, I'm going to enjoy the rest of the fall. We have conditioning, weights, and hitting twice a week and I doubt I'll hit more than that until winter break. I don't want to tire myself out by playing bad tennis. The plan is to chill out with tennis for now, work out a lot, and then come winter break I'm going to get back to work so I can be at my best for the spring.....Can't wait!!

I don't wanna be a stereotype

So, I heard one of the most dissapointing comments I've ever heard this weekend by one of my good friends. After the wedding, we decided to go out for drinks in atl. We're driving on the highway and there's a nice, black, SUV riding next to us and it has rims on it. They weren't obnoxious like most of the ones I see, and it was on a nice car too. Someone said, "look at them rims!"....silence...."they're probably black"

wow. I went off on her about how that's racist and stereotypical, and her response? "you know what? I don't really care"

wow. So, that pretty much ruined my night and I have been thinking about it all night and all day today. It just blows my mind that someone can say something so derogatory about an entire race of people. Who does she think she is? And the fact that she knows she said something derogatory and doesn't care just blows my mind. This is the same girl that will start a story by saying, yea we were going to go here but there were these sketchy black people outside so we left. OK. what were they doing that was so sketchy? Was it the fact that they were black that led you to believe you were in danger?

Being in the south where I feel like I've been time-warped 50 years, I try so hard not to be a stereotype. I don't want to be the rich white girl who gets anything she wants. I don't want to ever get used to some of the comments I hear on a daily basis. But what am I doing to change anything? Most of my friends at school are white or european and I see them on a daily basis as a housemate, teammate, or classmate. I need to stay cordial with these people even when sometimes I wish I could just say, I don't want to have anything to do with you. When I graduate, most likely I will leave this area. A lot of it has to do with the backwards thinking that goes on here. I feel like I'm helping the problem by leaving by taking the easy way out. "They're not like me so I'm going to go back to where I'm comfortable". But how is the thinking ever going to change?

It's so strange how different races isolate themselves here. You can literally see the break-up of races just by walking around campus. It just adds to the misunderstandings people have about one another. My friend just sees a group of African Americans and it just adds to her perception of the stereotype. I'm so frustrated with her and with everyone else here. I hate the separation and I hate the misconceptions that I hear about African Americans and Latin Americans as well. I hate the accents and the impersonations and the jokes. I can't stand the southern pride and the "all-american" attitude. I want diversity, I want a change, and I don't want to be a stereotype.

ashleigh's wedding

Wow! so I just got back from Ashleigh's wedding this weekend, and it was such an interesting experience! There were some moments I got chills from excitement, yet others where I felt negative about weddings and marriages.

The ceremony was at a baptist church in Atlanta, and I was warned ahead of time that Baptist sermons tend to be very forward about their views on homosexuality, etc. I thought the pastor (is it pastor?) was obnoxious, sexist, and scolded the couple as they stood on the altar.

I've always watched the wedding story on TLC and sitting there in the church I felt like I was watching one of those shows. There is so much history in the wedding ceremony and so many people have gone through the same experience. It's almost become a cliche and the ceremony isn't special anymore. I feel like the wedding is a script that every girl feels like she has to have her turn playing the lead role. It's the same way I feel about walking during graduation. Whether I walk or not, I still graduated. It's just for show, so my parents can say they saw me walk.

With a tradition that has so much history, I would think that it should take place in a setting with as much rich history. I'm not religious, but if I was, I would want to get married in an old church where people have devoted themselves for hundreds of years. When we pulled into the church where Ashleigh and Paul were getting married, I thought we were pulling into a shopping complex. The church looked like a mall and the interior was just as modern. The altar was lit with lighting that belonged on a high school stage. There was a small stained glass panal that looked almost cheesy. The whole enviornment felt fake to me.

The best part of the ceremony was when Ashleigh walked down the aisle to meet Paul at the altar. She looked gorgeous and was absolutely glowing! But again, it feels so Staged and scripted, like every episode I've seen on TLC. It makes me want to do something different if I ever do get married. It would be in a place that has a history, personal or spiritual, with a ceremony that doesn't push religion on the guests or myself.

The pastor wouldn't give ashleigh the host because that was paul's job as the "man of the household". He told paul it's his job to take care of the house and he has the responsibilities of whatever...It just seems so dated to still be thinking like that. And ashleigh believes that the man should be this way as well. She once told me that she wouldn't go to a sermon with a woman preaching because she thought it was the man's job or something like that, I don't remember the context. I think it's problematic to rely on someone like that, but that's just me.

It's a whole other world down here...